Its a Kzelliscious World!

It’s a kzelliscious World!

Incapable

March28

I made the most stupid mistake; I just realized it this morning. Choosing this University and this place made things even harder for me. I thought I can cope with it, but hey I’m telling you, living on my own, doing this and that without asking for help from somebody, making my own decisions and looking after myself stresses me out – completely.

I am, at the moment, in a position where I am no longer capable of being independent. I feel very insufficient for the dreams I want to achieve. I am weak. I surrender. I gave up.

-I never cook meals; I just make salad like every single fucking day just to feed my stomach. I know how to cook; definitely, it’s just that I AM VERY LAZY TO COOK.

-Because salad is my everyday food, I am generally fed up of going back and forth to the supermarket to get some lettuce. Remember: Salad is mainly lettuce. Problem is I can’t buy and stock up lettuce. They rot quickly. I need to buy them everyday: they got to be fresh

-I want a car! I miss driving. I struggled the first few weeks after I stop driving. When I was in Wales, I always use my car to go to the shops, even if they’re just five minutes walk away from the house.

-I want disposable clothes. I don’t like the idea of washing my clothes every week. It’s annoying. It’s boring. It’s ugh.

-I am starting to hate studying. I am no longer motivated to finish my course. I want my vacation – FOREVER.

-I am not used to sleeping on my own anymore. I want to sleep and wake up next to someone: a friend, family member or a boyfriend at least.

-I want a credit card that’s got no limit. I am fed up of working while studying. Three years of doing this is reasonably enough. I hate my part time job. I just want instant money.

-I want my FAMILY. There is nothing worse than living on your own. Even if I have friends and even if I am preoccupied with hell loads of things. I need my FAMILY. I want their affection. I miss the nights I spend with my mom chatting about things, the times when I used to laugh and joke around with my brothers. The bonding moments I have with my sister. The short but memorable talks I used to have with my dad. I miss them.
I miss them very much.

There will be times in our lives when things will be rough. Loneliness and inferiority have been on my side long enough now for them to go away and leave me alone. Thinking about how I worry too much about things makes me wonder and ask this:
Am I really making the MOST out of this gift I was given?
I am a happy person. I smile, literally like every single day. I laugh even at the smallest things. I always have fun. I never had problems –before. I never had burdens inside me. I was carefree. But the person I see now is someone I really am not. When moody-days and idiocy reigns, the only thing you know is ‘GIVE UP’ and make drama.

‘’EVERY SECOND COUNTS ‘CAUSE THERE’S NO SECOND TRY, SO LIVE LIKE YOU’RE NEVER LIVING TWICE.’’

P.S. This kind of blog entries I make are only written whenever I feel down and whenever I feel the need to blog my feelings out. I only do this every time I feel the need to make bullshit dramas. It helps when I do this. Tomorrow, I will be a different person.

posted under Life & Drama
2 Comments to

“Incapable”

  1. On March 29th, 2009 at 2:55 pm ate Says:

    sus… you just miss him! that’s a fact, i know. we found a new place na. it has a good view and a park where you can jog, read a book or just plain tambay. so come here na and visit mwa.

  2. On April 9th, 2009 at 2:13 pm tedDyb0o Says:

    awww te kzell kulet! yaka mo yan!! ;)
    and whenever you’re feeling down, tawag or text lang duhbahh??
    alam mo naman kami…always up for anything so kung gusto mo manggulo or something para mawala mga worries [and whatnot] mo even just for a little while, don’t be afraid to holla noh! :P x x

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